Those Phrases given by A Parent Which Saved Us when I became a Brand-New Dad

"I think I was merely trying to survive for twelve months."

Former reality TV star Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the demands of being a father.

Yet the reality rapidly became "completely different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health complications surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was thrust into becoming her primary caregiver as well as caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, each diaper… every stroll. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

Following eleven months he became exhausted. That was when a talk with his father, on a public seat, that made him realise he required support.

The direct statement "You are not in a good spot. You need assistance. In what way can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and start recovering.

His situation is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. Although society is now better used to addressing the pressure on moms and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the challenges new fathers encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan believes his challenges are part of a broader reluctance to talk among men, who still absorb damaging perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and stays upright every time."

"It's not a sign of being weak to seek help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not justified to be asking for help" - especially in front of a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental state is equally important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the chance to ask for a break - going on a few days abroad, away from the home environment, to gain perspective.

He came to see he had to make a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states as well as the practical tasks of taking care of a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she needed" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That realisation has transformed how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of feelings and interpret his decisions as a father.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen lacked stable male a father figure. Even with having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, profound difficult experiences resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up emotions led him to make "poor actions" when he was younger to change how he was feeling, finding solace in drink and drugs as a way out from the hurt.

"You find your way to things that aren't helpful," he says. "They can briefly alter how you feel, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Advice for Coping as a New Father

• Talk to someone - if you feel overwhelmed, speak to a trusted person, your partner or a professional how you're feeling. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the pursuits that helped you to feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. It could be exercising, seeing friends or gaming.
• Pay attention to the physical health - a good diet, physical activity and when you can, resting, all are important in how your emotional health is coping.
• Connect with other new dads - listening to their stories, the challenges, as well as the good ones, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that asking for help is not failure - prioritising yourself is the best way you can care for your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the passing, having not spoken to him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead give the stability and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - managing the frustrations constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men because they faced their struggles, changed how they talk, and figured out how to manage themselves for their children.

"I'm better… dealing with things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I said, sometimes I believe my purpose is to guide and direct you on life, but in reality, it's a exchange. I'm learning just as much as you are in this journey."